Jaiden (nerd4urpleasure) wrote,

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I feel so alone..

everyone around me is leaving. In the end thats always the way it works out for me. In the time left for gradutation I am desperatley trying to find all the people I have over looked, I want to leave this school having people think, "man, that was a great guy" Its going to be hard to say goodbye to the people I have been with everyday for the last 6 years. To say goodbye to Brenda, my first friend in 7th grade. High school, its just so comfortable. In college everyone is so impersonable. I am crying right now. I think this last month I have cried more than I have ever before. I know its dumb, and "Oh Guys Dont Cry". Ha! I try to be strong, but this is like loosing a family. And everyone is Graduating...and I am not. Why couldn't I just have focused alittle more? Why couldn't I have just not been lazy or stupid?? Thats the thing, I just never thought ahead, I always thought that I would, somehow I would just slide on by. Ha, I was wrong. Thats not the way to live your life. I will hopefully learn from this experience.
When the world around me crumbles
You are my shelter
When the Darkness of night engulfs me
You are my light
When the path is long and hard
You are my inspiration
I don't know why I just thought of that, but I did.
Why does life have to be so hard? Will I ever be happy? I don't think I can do everything I want to do in this lifetime. I can't accomplish anything. I don't just want to be another no existant face in the world. I want to stand out. I want to some how change this world, bring happiness to people. When I die, I want people to say, "Everyone he met, loved him. And when he left, he left alittle happiness with them." Sometimes I wish I would stop trying to make everyone else happy and just make myself be happy. But then I wouldn't be me.
I feel so alone right now. I feel like I have let down my family, my friends, and most definatly myself. And now I will never feel the joy and pride of walking across that stage. Sad.
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